Saturday, January 12, 2008

My Favorite Monologue from Austin Powers

Dr. Evil: The details of my life are quite inconsequential.

Therapist (Carrie Fisher): Oh no, please, please, let's hear about your childhood.

Dr. Evil: Very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy--the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical; summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring, we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent, I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds--pretty standard really. At the age of 12 I received my 1st scribe. At the age of 14, a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There reall is nothing like a freshly shorn scrotum--it's breathtaking--I suggest you try it.

Therapist: You know, we have to stop.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I love this monologue, too! It was the highlight of the movie.